Dear diary: The results

Oh, that PT is a crafty one. Just when I'd forgotten about my food diary woe, he pounced. There's nothing like an email about the state of your diet to wake you up first thing on a Monday morning.

As predicted, he wasn't happy:

"Ok so from what i can see the current diet is not looking too good. Its fairly low calorie but not too high in quality nutrients missy!" (that's me told)

So, here's the plan:

"These are some basic food and liquid sources I would like you to follow for now... they are definitely not the most exciting but definitely are the most effective and HEALTHY!" (I took the caps to mean that my current diet is far from healthy)

The basis of my Operation Abs diet:

• Oats (gah!)
• Broccoli 
• Spinach
• Carrots
• Mushroom
• Celery
• Cabbage
• *Confession* I've eliminated cauliflower from this list as it's vile
• Salmon
• Tuna
• Chicken breast
• Water
• Peppermint tea
• Soya milk (only with breakfast - so long coffee, sweet nectar of life)

So far, so good (the coffee habit is getting a little out of hand, it needs to be stopped). But where's the bread? The pasta? The quinoa? The couscous? Where are the god damn carbs?! Obviously they'd be limited and brown, but they need to be there, right? He must have forgotten. How else am I supposed to construct a meal? I mean, when I think up an outfit, I start at the shoes and work my way up. When I think up a meal, the carbs are the shoes.

A gentle reminder about the missing carbs elicited this reply from PT:

"Nope, stay off those lovely carby items totally please."

*Right now, I'd like you to imagine a montage of pretty things while I edit out my bitter, sweary diatribe about how unnecessarily mean he's being*

I've never tried to cut carbs from my diet before, mainly because I didn't think I'd be able to do it. But for the purpose of Operation Abs, I need to look at this differently. It's a new way of eating, a new challenge, a chance to see my body change again. And if I do it all properly, it won't take forever.

I can totally do this, but I need your help to make it enjoyable. Can you think of any yummy things I can make out of the things in that list up there? If so, please let me know! Also, if any of you lovely readers want to do join in with Operation Abs, please do, I'll need the company to keep me going*.

Operation Abs is go!

*Duties may include removing me from the bread and baked goods aisles of supermarkets at 3am. 

Dear diary: Day 3

Rejoice blog readers! The last day of the food diary is upon us! I didn't post this last night because I fell into a meat coma after dinner... oops. But look at it:

Anyway, here's how day 3 went:

07:00 - 2x slices toast with peanut butter
07:30 - 1x white coffee, 2 sweeteners
10:30 - Plum
12:30 - Last night's spaghetti leftovers
         - 1x bunch red grapes (I did NOT eat these all in one sitting)
         - 1.5 litres water
19:30 - Pulled pork sandwich on focaccia bun, mixed salad, potato wedges
         - 1x glass lemonade


My 3-day diary is now in the hands of PT, and I expect something along the following lines:

• Do not, under any circumstances, touch the Desk of Filth
• Eat something else for breakfast (he has, however, been told that I'm not too keen on milk, so porridge is out, and I'm not making it with water)
• Stop drinking coffee (this will be met with tears and violence)
• Snack on something that isn't an entire bunch of grapes
• Drink more water
• Stop eating pulled pork sandwiches (no can do)

I'll keep you posted!

Dear diary: Day 2

Flickr image from Kirstea's photostream

Today was another successful day in the fight against the Desk of Filth! It was also my first morning run since before Paris, and it's safe to say I've lost my morning mojo. I'm kicking myself for not getting out there when the sun was up at 6am in those couple of weeks before the clocks went forward. Dear Timelords and Weather Gods, can you make it light and sunny for my morning runs please?

Day 2's food diary looks like this:

06:30 - 2x toast/peanut butter (post run)
         - 1 glass water
07:00 - Green tea
08:00 - Starbucks grande soy vanilla latte
11:30 - Plum
         - Wasabi peas
12:30 - Wrap with chicken breast, tzatziki, green salad and falafel
15:45 - Another plum (I'm bored of the plums now)
         - 1 litre water
20:00 - Spaghetti bolognese, 1 slice garlic bread
         - 1 glass water

Dear diary

During last night's PT session, conversation turned to eating habits - in particular, people who eat badly and still expect to see the pounds melt off (and then get mad with PT when it doesn't). This makes PT mad.

This got me thinking about my own eating habits, and the next thing I knew, I was admitting that I don't always eat uber-healthy meals, which I know is the reason I don't have abs like Gwen Stefani/Gisele/a Pussycat Doll. Before I'd even finished speaking, I knew PT would utter the one sentence more terrifying to me than 'We'll just strap you into these bungee straps...' - 'Keep a 3-day food diary'.

I hate the whole food diary thing because it forces me to look at what I'm doing wrong, even though I already know. It's like picking a scab or not taking your make-up off properly and all those other things you know you shouldn't do, but do anyway. I don't spend my days munching on Big Macs and deep fried Mars Bars, but my approach to food is 'I'll eat what I want', and I do tend to indulge a bit more when I'm with the boy. So in the spirit of getting back into training properly, I'm keeping a food diary for 3 days, and I'll be sharing it on here.

Before I do that, let me show you what I have to look at every day:

That is the Desk of Filth. Pretty self-explanatory non? I spend quite a large chunk of my working day trying to talk myself out of eating the filth on offer. Most of the time I win, but when I don't, it's a complete snack-fest. Must. Avoid. If anyone has any flat-ab-making snack ideas or recipes to rival the lure of the Desk of Filth, PLEASE let me know!

Here's how Day 1 went down:

07:15 - 1.5 slices toast with peanut butter
07:30 - 1x white coffee (2 sweeteners)
10:50 - 1x Boots raspberry granola yoghurt
12:30 - Boots Shapers sushi, 2 plums
13:30 - Wasabi peas (handful?)
15:30 - Plum
         - 1 litre water
19:30 - 2x salmon fishcakes, green salad, beetroot, potato salad, mayonnaise 
         - 2x glasses water

The Christmas Dinner Challenge: Live

Happy Christmas everyone! I hope Santa's been kind to you all! (However, if you've woken up to a lump of coal, you need to think long and hard about what you did this year. Santa doesn't mess about).

I'm still in bed, but according to the list of cooking times I wrote yesterday, the doom starts at 9.30am. Just enough time for breakfast and presents.

09:05 Breakfast is cooking, Meat 1 (Porky) is in his tray, ready to go.

10:10 Ah, we don't have enough chairs. Porky is cooking, time to start on Meat 2 (Lamby).

11:17 Yes I know what cocking gas mark it's on, I put it there. Now fuck off out of my kitchen.

11:23 I've broken all my nails. Can't allow myself to turn to the booze just yet. Coffee and swearing.

11:30 Shopping the Selfridges online sale. Fuck the food.

12:10 There's no room in the oven for Meat 3 (Beefy). Riiiight.

12:48 Mum hasn't cleaned the bathroom. It was her only job. Bitchfit.

13:54 It all just got a bit mental. Lamb out, potatoes in, pork looks wicked. Beef still sitting on the windowsill. Feck.

14:30 ARGH

15:17 They're sitting and eating. No-one's dead yet. Dog has her eyes on everything, she's going to snap any second.

16:04 Everyone's eaten. Was fabulous, but no crackling - I can't seem to get it to do anything but go brown and fatty? Secretly feeding the dog lamb in the kitchen because she's got a fabulous jumper on:

The Christmas Dinner Challenge: Update

It's Christmas Eve. In my fridge, three different meat joints are jostling for space with heaps of vegetables, Tesco's entire cheese stock, and lots of old, rotting food that I haven't thrown out yet (am clearly domestic goddess).

I AM NOT PREPARED. The tree only went up on Wednesday night, I still have presents to wrap, and I'm pretty sure someone important is going to be without a present on Christmas Day and I'll be forced to wrap up a box of at-home hair dye. My boyfriend came over at 2.30am today on the way home from a gig to pick up one of his presents that hadn't been delivered when we did the Great Gift Swap (because I'd ordered it very late, despite having it bookmarked on my browser for about 2 months), and I haven't written a single list. I'm usually all about the lists.

So as you can see, tomorrow is full of comedy potential. I'll have forgotten a vital ingredient (I'm betting on potatoes), will have a bitch fit at every single member of my family, cry, drop something important, and burn/cut/otherwise maim myself/others. Obviously, you won't want to miss that, so I'm going to live blog it for you! Hurrah! Expect lots of swearing and CAPITAL LETTERS indicating disaster.

Tonight, however, I will be making a sodding quiche. Yes I know it's not Christmassy, and it's a god damn pain in the ass, but Mama Sween asked ever so nicely, and threw in the puppy dog eyes for good measure. Add to that the 'Oh, well if you don't want to, don't worry about it' guilt trip comment (I heard: 'You're a fucking awful daughter, this is the one thing I've asked you to do and you won't do it. After everything I've done for you?! I'm going to die one day and this will haunt you. Bitch.') , and she had her way. But first, there will be mulled wine. I find it makes everything better, even pastry-making.

Y'all have a fabulous Christmas Eve. See you bright and early for food and swearing!

The Christmas Dinner Challenge

 

Flickr image from didbygraham's photostream

In my family, we all take it in turns to host Christmas. This is mainly because none of us have a suitable Christmas house (you know, like Nigella's) - we're all equally poor, living in equally teeny flats in Central and West London, and none of us have the luxury of a dining room/garden/anywhere to put children and old people. So no-one ever wants to host the bloody thing (Baby Jesus would be proud). This year, we lost.

Over breakfast with my mum on the weekend, I was told (not asked) that I'd be cooking Christmas lunch. For 10 people and a Yorkshire Terrier.

So this is where I need your help. Please tell me what to feed them.

Now before I go on, there's something else I need to tell you about my family and Christmas - we've never had turkey for Christmas dinner. Is that awful? I think it may be a Filipino thing, they have no time for giant, dry birds.

Pretty much anything else goes though, and vegetablists aren't allowed in our family, so all meat-tastic ideas welcome. And anything that can be prepared the day before so I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn would be just fabulous. I will of course be combing my favourite food blogs over the next week, but if there are any you think I ought to know about, please share!

Alternatively, if you'd like to volunteer to come over and cook for 10 Filipinos and a Yorkshire Terrier on Christmas Day, you can have my first born.